nervous cos i just applied for some lobbyist jobs for the clean water act and for an IT job at salve regina…i sincerely hope to get one because i don’t want to lifeguard at this intimidating camp/lake/hell with a giant rope swing that kids are definitely going to hurt themselves on. the amount of people who have my resume now is absurd.
reflecting on the school year
(imagine that in italics^) [[MORE]] friday I had my review for film, which involved playing a program of my best work for three film professors and having a conversation afterward. from the projection booth in the screening room, i awkwardly stepped down to the viewing area after my films were finished playing, and the first thing someone said was “wow”. they spoke about how strong...
"but i don't get it."
ha ha ha h a 27 video files in one after effects timeline that i’m compiling, and i still have to fit a few more in : ) i make wacky little scenarios that even i don’t understand, please don’t put my work down because you don’t get it. why don’t people ever question their own lack of ability in understanding something? why is it always the...
unrelated things that relate to unrelativity
[[MORE]] 1. in hindsight, i used to have body dysmorphic disorder. 2. late nights with that one fluorescent light on, it feels like we’ve reached that other planet which can harvest human life. 3. today i sat in a cheap mexican restaurant and watched someone who meant a lot to me about a month or two walk by with a friend and i felt my stomach twist. 4. the way which you talk about small...
if this city's taught me anything,
it’s to stay angry and bitter. [[MORE]] if you split on me i’ll forget about you almost completely (i’ve done it before and it’s the only way to deal). + how the fuck am i supposed to deal with someone who literally has no interests? i’m exhausted, i have no words left for comforting. read a fucking self-help book. + remember that time you told me people...
some work-in-prog stills of my video final: i am purty excited about this baby, it’s inspired by red light districts - i’m going for a viewing-women-through-windows effect. still need to shoot some lollipop + makeup scenes plus a 2channel scene of me spitting from one screen and catching it in my mouth in the other.
Black guy kills some people.
Muslim guy kills some people.
Latino guy kills some people.
White guy kills some people.
News: Mental illness. (lost soul, complicated psyche, quiet loner, misunderstood, frustrated with life, experienced recent, traumatic, life-altering events that set him off; not to mention all the positive descriptors that are attached to him, i.e. intelligent, PhD candidate, honor roll student, etc.)
Teenage boys rape a girl
News: Potential NFL athletes, popular students, class presidents, funny, intelligent, bright, enthusiastic, handsome, sought after, promising, polite, "poor boys who lost their future dream"
Teenage girl is raped:
News: What was she wearing? Was she drunk? How much was she drinking? Was her cleavage showing? Well maybe she was asking for it? Well was it really "rape"? She was a slut. Teens today are too sexually active. Did she lead them on?
[[MORE]]every video production house in RI i’ve read about only has males in charge. this world absolutely sucks and i’m really sad about it right now.
and EXHALE folkS!
[[MORE]]now that the manhunt’s over i am totally motivated to plunge into my video final - i’m going to create a portrait of the red light districts (in general) because i’m both sickened and allured by them, which is my favorite combo.
spending all, spending,spendingallmytime loving...
[[MORE]]i pretty much got turned down from an internship opportunity after i sent over links to my work. suddenly the company doesn’t have time, but try again in late may! i almost guarantee it’s because of the experimental nature of my work. sorry i don’t have wedding videos with slow focus pulls and bokeh in the background. i’m offering EXPLOITATION of myself, take it!! ...
throat is sore, body’s feverish, no energy = today i am swamped. my room is layered with papers and important things i keep losing. nyquil’s nice but i don’t want to sleep i want to get work done. i’m trying so hard to not be mediocre but i feel myself falling through the cracks. the other day i found a pair of tap shoes that wouldn’t fit me. but as i type i...
coyoteisaboy: Leah Medin’s installation today was hopeful, inspiring, and perfectly timed. I have little words for the events of the past 24 hours, but, I am proud of my town and my humble massart community.
sunday morning notes
just submitted a film to the balagan film series..if it’s accepted i’ll be a super happy camper. start spreading the news - frank sinatra’s the best. how can you be a misogynist when ella fitzgerald existed? this summer i’m going to make the most use of my vhs and mini dv cameras which is fantastic but i’ll miss the lighting kits and studios.
This city needs a hero.– me picking up a piece of trash off the sidewalk
[[MORE]]holy cow today is gorgeous out. it absolutely is a deer tick, spirit family reunion, state radio listening kind of day. yesterday a grad film student told me that my film was, in her and other grad student’s/alumni’s opinion, the theoretical winner of the all-school show…but she said the real judge “would probably choose something conventional and stupid”....
do c u mentA t i o n
last night i got to see a film of mine presented as part of the film/video all school show (A.S.S.) and it felt suPREME! i’m soso flattered lately with some bits of praise people have given my work, calling it strange but fascinating. and i’m honored to be in this incredibly supportive department. we’re starting a group production in film class and it’s way too cool...
[[MORE]]1. Rest In Peace my dear external hard drive. please give me your precious files, otherwise i’ll be even sadder. don’t make me reshoot/re-edit my work. i thought u were stronger than this. 2. fuck only having a week to shoot and compose a video sculpture. 3. fuck stop-motion. i totally respect the effort it takes, but it’s painful for me.
princess: “What Schizophrenia Sounds...
swimming in a huge green lake filled with weeds that wrapped around my ankles, i was trying to stay on a piece of wood out in the middle. previously i had parked a car on a tree branch high above the lake. i remember waves and screaming and other people coming and going.
never shaving my legs again. 1. it hurts 2. i’m armenian..come on 3. bleached leg hairs look fine to me
nolicom by aoki takamasa. fall in love